A Culture of Sexual Misconduct

Originally posted and written on October 11, 2016 on the blog A Road to Somewhere.

Recently I was on Pinterest and noticed some pins that bothered me immensely. I’ve seen them before, but this time I decided to say something about it. I’ve seen multiple posts within different fandoms of characters being described as having a “rape face.” These images are presented as a joke. How is rape a joke? How is commenting that someone has a rape face funny? What the heck is a rape face?

This is just one thing that I’ve seen that irks me. While it’s not reflective of the society as a whole, it is reflective of too big a portion of our society. This is one example of a culture or subculture accepting of sexual misconduct or at the very least downplaying the reality of sexual assault.

Another example of downplaying sexual misconduct could be seen during the presidential debate. As you have probably heard, there was a video of Donald Trump released where he described some rather disturbing sexual conduct. I haven’t seen the video, nor do I ever plan to, but the topic was brought up in the news as well as the debate. Seeing as the video is a decade old, I had no desire to burn him at the stake for his comments. People can change and I like to give people a chance at redemption. Due to this, I was interested to hear how he would address it.

I must admit that I was rather confused when the topic came up. Anderson Cooper (whom I love) was asking if Trump recognized that the actions he described where sexual assault. Trump instead kept referring to it as “locker room talk.” This was the most disappointing part of the debate in my opinion. Though I will admit that I zoned out for most of the debate. Regardless of political views, I can’t believe that a presidential candidate would describe that as locker room talk. There are a few problems with that.

Firstly, calling it locker room talk is minimizing what it really is. It makes this seem like a childish topic. Secondly, by calling it locker room talk, it is making it seem acceptable as long as it’s behind closed doors. “If no one knows then it’s not an issue.” That’s the message I get from the term. Thirdly, if this is what people talk about in the locker room, no one should be surprised when we hear stories about athletes being accused of sexual assault.

We have people who slut-shame and virgin-shame. Honestly, I’m not sure what exactly classifies someone as a slut. People use that word along with whore to describe both their best friend and worst enemy. People think that talking about someone having big boobs is a compliment. While appreciating someone’s figure is appropriate and acceptable, that doesn’t give you the right to objectify them. We are more than our body. (I had a former client do that to me a few weeks ago. He kept saying that I was “developing nicely,” among other things. *shudder*)

I admit that I am far from perfect. I have said and thought some things that I am ashamed of. However, I am trying to change and acknowledge the things that I’ve done for what they are and the impact that they have on others. Anyone who has said and done these things I’ve listed, as well as many things that I have not listed, are not bad people. The point that I want to make is that there are many things we over look and don’t realize the impact that it can have in our culture.

The things that people don’t think about and the things people think are harmless jokes are often more than that. I am very passionate about the topics of intimacy, sexual addictions, relationships, sexual assault, and related topics. That’s why I’m creating this Unashamed Love series. I know that not everyone will care as much about the topics as me. That’s fine. All I want to do is point out some things that people write off as okay when it’s not really. Rape is not a joke. Sexual assault is not okay and not just talk. We are setting examples for others through the things we do.

Be aware of what you say and do. I’ll do the same. I will chat with you lovelies later.

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